Healing Is Not a Straight Line: What My Journey Taught Me
When I finally left my abusive relationship, I really believed the hard part was over. But my journey has been full of ups and downs, taking unexpected turns, and sometimes feeling like I was going backward. What I've learned is that healing doesn't happen in a straight line.
There were days I'd wake up feeling great, truly believing I was over everything. Suddenly, I'd feel that familiar knot of fear and sadness in my stomach all over again due to something that brought back the trauma. In those moments, I'd get so frustrated with myself, thinking, "Am I not getting better? Why am I still feeling this way?"
I had to learn to be patient and kind to myself. I realized these "bad days" weren't failures. They were just a normal part of my brain and body processing the trauma. If I heard a loud bang unexpectedly, my heart might race and I'd tense up, even though I was safe. Instead of judging myself, I started to notice: "Okay, that's a trigger. What do I need right now?" Maybe I'd take a few deep breaths, or step away from the noise. Each time I had one of these moments, I learned more about what upset me and how I could soothe myself.
Another lesson I learnt was how important it was to get support from others and professionals. My therapist gave me practical tools, like breathing exercises for anxiety or ways to challenge negative thoughts. Joining a support group was also helpful. Hearing other survivors share similar experiences like feeling confused about the "good times" in their abusive relationship, or struggling with trust made me realize I wasn't alone. It was comforting to know that others had felt the same feelings as well.
Ultimately, I discovered that healing is a continuous process, not a finish line you cross. That's when I understood that healing isn't just about getting over the past; it's about building a future where you are in control. It took time and a lot of courage, but I realized that my life is my own to live.